Pick Your Battles
by ManOfChocolate
Summary: Through the wonder of the internet, Papyrus has learned the art of Sumo Wrestling. It goes about as well as you'd expect.


**A/N: Crossposting from Ao3! I hope you've limbered up, because we're about to rumble!**

* * *

"Papyrus... are you absolutely sure about this?"

Asgore stood timidly in one end of the ring, wearing little more than a standard-issue wrestling belt his sparring partner acquired from an unknown source. He looked over himself briefly, noting several areas where he really should have put a more care in handling his fur, frazzled and jumbled up, projecting a much scruffier appearance than he would have liked.

Papyrus was situated in front of him, also wearing the same, although a significantly smaller version. The skeleton posed proudly, his clean and shiny bones just about glinting in the sunlight beaming through the window. There was a tiny bit of embarrassment mixed into the light finding him without his trusty battle-body, but as long as this was the required combat gear, he had to obey the rules to the best of his ability.

"OF COURSE, YOUR MAJESTY!" he said. "I'VE READ EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS 'SUMO' SPORT, AND I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE YOU WOULD QUALIFY AS THE BEST POSSIBLE OPPONENT."

"Golly, that's sweet of you."

The boss monster flashed his usual soft smile. Gentleness just about emanated from him like a soothing aura. Nonetheless, he raised his fist, each perfectly capable of putting holes through walls and cracked his knuckles. The thunderous noise made Papyrus cringe beyond all reasonable levels.

"Oh, sorry about that..."

"I-IT'S ALRIGHT. HAVE TO LIMBER UP, AFTER ALL." Papyrus tried to act cool, despite the smile on his face losing strength quickly. Rather than dwell on the horrific noise though, he instead positioned himself exactly like he'd seen on the internet, one foot after another. "YOU HAVE TO ASSUME THIS POSITION, FIRST."

"Alright." Asgore nodded and repeated the same motion, the small ring just about trembling to the force of his strong legs hitting the ground. Papyrus could swear that for a moment, he spotted a visible shockwave.

"AND NOW, AT THE SOUND OF THE BELL, WE RUSH AT EACH OTHER WITH FULL POWER. WHOEVER GETS PUSHED OUT OF THE RING, LOSES!" Papyrus said, grinning already.

He had several rows of battle plans prepared for just about every conceivable combat scenario. Asgore may have been a hulking mass of raw destruction, but against the keen, tactical sense of the Great Papyrus, he was but a minor opponent at best.

"I guess that doesn't sound too bad..." Asgore still had plenty of doubts about the upcoming bout, but decided to at least humor the skeleton a bit. "Ready, Papyrus? Frisk?"

The so-far silent human stood a couple feet from the makeshift ring, with a bell and a little plastic hammer in their hands, most likely acquired from a kiddy construction kit. They were dressed just like a real wrestling referee, except with a nurse's hat on top. This puzzled both combatants at first, but Frisk made it very clear they were anticipating a great many things to go wrong at any possible moment. The sizable medical bag next to the also suggested they were more interested in safety, than referee work.

"ALRIGHT THEN!" Papyrus announced. "LET'S SEE WHO WILL BE LEFT STANDING BY THE END!"

As the two combatants tensed up in preparation for a bout of epic proportions, Frisk sighed deeply and hit the bell.

* * *

Sans snorted, waking up to the sight of a part of the ceiling collapsing next to his bed. The skeleton couldn't quite place the phenomenon for a moment, as while the house wasn't exactly the newest construction when they bought it from the humans, they never had to deal with any major issues. He never really had time to really think about who to contact in the event of construction issues, as just a couple minutes later, his phone rang.

It was Papyrus.

"hey bro." Sans interrupted the greeting with a brief yawn, scratching the top of his bony head. "how's the training going? "

"QUITE WELL!" his brother announced, though through a series of pained whimpers indicated otherwise. "COULD I ASK FOR A SMALL FAVOR THOUGH?"

Sans felt a bit of cold sweat forming on his forehead.

"sure papyrus... what do you need?"

"WELL, IF YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY UP, COULD YOU GRAB THE QUICK-CAST KIT FROM THE MEDICINE CABINET?"

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, no no no no.

"alright, i'll be there right away. just don't move, okay?"

The skeleton quickly scrambled to his feet, looking for at least one pair of loose socks he could put on. The localized whirlwind of garbage he somehow transferred from their old home came in handy in emergency situations like this.

"I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT." he said, confirming at least one set of Sans' fears, though added even more as his voice grew a little distant. "THANK YOU, FRISK, COULD YOU MOVE THE PHONE A LITTLE BIT TO THE LEFT?"

Once a pair of socks were acquired, he headed out of the room the grab a first-aid kit for Papyrus. He really should have expected something like this to happen, looking back at it.

"OH AND SANS, ONE MORE THING?"

"go ahead, papyrus. you just rest your bones and i'll be right there."

The boisterous skeleton groaned in a mixture of pain and annoyance on the other end.

"GRAB THE JUG OF MILK FROM THE FRIDGE. I COULD REALLY USE A DRINK."

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 **A/N: Just a quick, silly little short, before I get into more serious writing again. The request for this one was simply "Papyrus attempts Sumo Wrestling" and it's times like these I'm really sad I'm not a comic or animation artist, as I would truly love to see this come alive in some form. Still, they say imagination works best! Remember, dear reader, if you really want to fight someone, try NOT picking the biggest guy you can find.**

 **Critique, comments, chocolate suggestions, maybe even requests(if you don't mind waiting sometimes:D) welcome by my Tumblr, Milkasingularity!**

 **Take care, everyone!**


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